Brainbox Blog
Professional Under Pressure |
| Posted on Jun 02 2011 |
In my recent workshop on confidence coaching for women professionals, a lot of the discussion revolved around how to deal with 'difficult behaviours' at work - for which read 'difficult people'. It's a tough separation to make! The group came up with its own strategies and I added in my suggestions, based on a mixture of theory and practice, and it prompted me to think about the last time I had been in a situation where I had been at the mercy of someone displaying aggressive or bullying behaviour who was actually senior to me, rather than a student or a client, therefore making it much more of a challenge to be assertive. It had been a very long time, and I felt conscious of the fact that I was offering solutions to a situation that I had been lucky enough not to experience for quite a while. So, when it suddenly happened to me today, I was thrown back on my own resources and advice, and the experience was a useful (if not particularly welcome!) reminder of how difficult it can be to say 'no' or to disagree openly with someone who is in a position of authority.
What prompted me to assert myself was a strong feeling of injustice. I can cope with someone being rude to me; I can choose not to react in a way that would demean myself professionally and I can choose just to let it go. We all have to get past our own egos at work in order to retain dignity and avoid flying off the handle. However, in today's example, other people were being abused: people who were not able to respond, who were in a very junior position in relation to the person being aggressive, and who had no expectation that this might take place. This meant that as well as protecting myself, I felt the need to protect others in a weaker position.
So, what happened? Well, there was no cataclysmic argument, no-one lost their job, and the person dishing out the unpleasantness didn't even realise what they had done, being apparently lacking in self-awareness. However, I was able to take the opportunity to put into practice some of the techniques I had shared with my clients, and they were as follows:
- Choose your response
- Because aggressive behaviour can trigger 'fight or flight' responses in the primitive, reptile part of our brain, it's important to take a deep breath, mentally step back and decide on your reaction. You can choose not to retaliate, to stay polite and state calmly that you disagree or object to what the person has just said. Do not over-react!
- De-escalate the situation
- By choosing how you respond, you avoid a quick come-back or an angry tone of voice that can escalate the situation into a full-on confrontation. Keep your tone neutral and ask what the problem is and how the person thinks it could be solved. Keep your body language open and relaxed, and stay out of the aggressor's personal space.
- Be assertive
- It's okay to disagree with people! A good manager or senior figure should welcome different viewpoints. Do you want to work for someone who only employs a 'yes' person?
- Report what happened objectively
- It can feel like 'telling tales', but bullies rely on your not talking about what happened. Report the incident as calmly as you can to the appropriate person (maybe Personnel or HR if there is no-one you can speak to in your own department) and relate what happened. Do not exaggerate and try to use the same words that were spoken during the incident; write it down if it helps you to focus. Action can't be taken without evidence being logged on a regular basis.
- Let it out
- My colleagues were great today, listening and offering sympathy as I worked through my feelings and had a bit of a rant. The emotions have to go somewhere, and talking to other people might shed some light on how to deal with a similar situation in the future. I'm also planning to work off my adrenaline with some exercise and enjoy a favourite TV programme tonight. Reward yourself in a healthy way for being assertive and calm, and for not allowing yourself to be mis-treated. You could even write down the key things that you learned from the experience and what you could do differently if it happens again.
My line of work is all about encouraging and enabling people, so today has really underlined how unusual it is for me to experience such aggressive behaviour and therefore how hard I find it to understand its origin and to deal with how it makes me feel. I aspire to the Buddhist concept of 'loving kindness', and should be thinking right now about forgiving the person who offended me and be thankful for the opportunity I was given to behave with dignity today. I have to say I'm not there yet (I still have a fair amount of irritation to work off!), but today has at least reminded me what it is like to be in my clients' shoes when I'm handing out advice.
Last changed: Jun 03 2011 at 2:11 PM
BackComments
| Authority figures and bullying | By Unknown on Jun 02 2011 at 9:21 PM |
| Your tips and advice are really helpful and the description of the situation you outline actually echoes a recent time with my family. Although your focus is professional relationships, I will definitely be extending these modes of response to defuse future distressing social and family times should they arise, too. Thanks! | |
| Under pressure | By Unknown on Jun 02 2011 at 9:53 PM |
| Good article. The fact that you actually had to demonstrate what you were teaching (although unpleasant for you) would I imagine give you more kudos with the other students. They can't have missed the fact that: 1. You were effective at what you taught. 2. You were sticking up for them. I wasn't there so obviously I don't know, but I would imagine that you left a very impression on the rest of them. |
|
| Great Article | By Unknown on Jun 02 2011 at 10:19 PM |
| As with all great articles, they come from a true real world personal experience, this is one great example which I am sure will go on to help others when they get in to such situations too. | |
| Thank you! | By Unknown on Jun 03 2011 at 8:46 AM |
| Thank you all for such positive feedback! I am very pleased that you found the article helpful, and there will be more to come very soon. Tracy |
|
Add Comment